Marriages are hard. It’s all peaches and cream in the beginning but keeping a marriage happy and livable is harder than anyone anticipates. Coupes are often able to work through their difficulties as they occur, either with professional help or by open communication. This isn’t always possible, however, and that’s when couples realize the marriage isn’t working anymore. Even when both couples realize things aren’t working out, ending a bad marriage isn’t always as easy as it should be. There are a number of things that will keep people in bad marriages way longer than they should be.
Old and Alone
Bad marriages have a way of messing with your self-esteem and screwing up your confidence. One reason many people stay in a bad relationship is a fear of growing old alone. When the marriage has gone wrong, one or both spouses may be afraid that they will not meet anyone else. They constantly wonder if they leave the marriage, will they be alone for the rest of their lives? It can be a nagging and compulsive thought and has the ability to keep you in a bad marriage years longer than you should have been.
Those same feelings of low self-esteem can make you feel that she is the best you’ll ever get and leaving the marriage, even a bad marriage, is a mistake. You begin to second guess yourself and wonder if it’s better to live life with a woman you aren’t happy with than take the chance at being alone or with someone even worse.
Yours, Mine and Ours
Couples each come into a marriage with their own friends as well as make new friends throughout the years. Often, a friend of your spouse turns out to be someone you care about deeply as well. One of the biggest reasons people stay in bad marriages is because they fear losing the friends they share with their wife. Sometimes it just seems like more than you can handle to lose the marriage and the friends. Friends of married couples are notorious for choosing sides and even making the split more dramatic and impossible than before. People depend on their friends to help them through stressful situations and if you lose them all in the divorce, it can be a very devastating and lonely time. Exactly the opposite of what you’re looking for.
Children and Family
One of the most devastating issues that occur during a divorce deals with children. A couple with children will experience much guilt and stress when contemplating divorce. Part of the American dream consists of raising children in a home with their mother and father. Splitting up a family with children is far harder than one without. Guilt issues regarding children will keep both partners in a marriage a lot longer than they want to be. The thing to remember her is that children learn what romantic love is from their parents. If they live in a hostile or cold environment, they subconsciously relate the two in their minds as they grow.
Money is more often a reason for a woman to stay in a marriage than a man. Since women give birth they are usually the caregivers and household managers while the men are the wage earners. In these situations, women are hesitant to leave the marriage because financial stability is dependent upon it. Sometimes it is the men who run the household, however. If he does work, perhaps his wife makes more money than he does. There are many situations that could cause a man to be dependent on his wife for financial security and be reticent to leave the marriage because of it.
Opinion Of Others
Finally, religion, stereotypes and social stigma can keep a man in a marriage after its gone bad. Many religions frown upon divorce and if your family is strict in its traditions, this could be a big problem. While mainstream culture has eased its perceptions of people who divorce, there are still cultures, religions and traditions that can leave you feeling negatively judged and left lacking.
The reasons for leaving a bad marriage can pile up until there is nothing left but a pile of bad feelings. The key is to take all the time you need to weight the bad parts of the marriage with the things you are so afraid of. Most of what people are afraid of in a divorce doesn’t occur in the way they think it will. People learn to adapt and accept their life circumstances and nothing is ever as bad as it once seemed. Even if it did, it’s better to be alone than in a bad, painful marriage. Counselling is always an option if you find that you just cant leave. Most people think of counselling as a tool to stay in the marriage but it can also help when you know you have to leave but cant seem to make it happen.